“I’ve been listening hard and can tell you with authority that I never hear the following phrases uttered in Charlotte,” Charlotte Observer columnist Mark Washburn wrote in July, before proceeding with his list of hilarious snippets very truly never said in Charlotte.
Washburn followed up with a second list of 20 more “said no one ever” one-liners over the weekend.
Like Washburn, I’m a good listener, and I’ve had my ear to the ground of Charlotte’s LGBT community for years now.
So, à la Washburn, here are my 20 things you never hear said in the Queer Queen City…
1. Ya know, that Mayor Pat — he sure did love us gay folk. (Bonus points: doubly applicable to both Pats McCrory and Cannon.)
2. The Queen City has a really great gayborhood; reminds me of The Castro.
3. Wow, everyone in this bar is so warm and approachable.
4. Can you believe how diverse the crowd was at that event last night?
5. We should stage a protest.
6. Let’s drive to Durham for NC Pride.
7. Let’s drive to Raleigh; they’ve got some awesome gay nightlife.
8. Let’s drive to Greensboro for Equality NC’s gala.
9. (Looks at Grindr message. Thinks to self:) You’re in Rock Hill? Sure, I’ll drive halfway across God’s green earth just for you.
10. It’s raining and cold. Perfect night for the club.
11. There are too many lesbian bars in Charlotte.
12. (Looks at watch. 10 p.m.) Wow, this club is packed.
13. Your bar’s $20 cover charge is wholly appropriate.
14. I don’t know anyone who works for one of the banks.
15. I feel perfectly safe holding my partner’s hand in [insert name of suburb].
16. (White folk to other white folk:) We should totally attend Black Gay Pride this weekend.
17. You know you’re too old for him, right?
18. The drinks at the Westin bar are perfectly affordable for the average person.
19. Oh, yes! We love straight women celebrating bachelorette parties at our gay strip club! Come on in!
20. It was so great seeing Elevation Church supporting all their queer members by marching in the Pride parade.
Bonus: Oh, me? I’d never use QNotes for birdcage filler. I read every issue!
Community quips: I asked friends and followers on Facebook to add their own suggestions. Some were sent to me privately. Here’s what they came up with…
• Don’t worry about your car, we can walk to all the gay bars because they are close together.
• Wow, there are queer women every where. I’m going to have a real good and easy time finding a partner!
• It’s really great how people respect my identity and I never have to repeatedly explain it to them.
• Community leadership sure is trans friendly.
• I sure love having a functioning LGBT center.
• I just can’t wait to read yet another news article about the center’s troubles.
• I’m so glad local LGBT groups are willing to listen to young leaders.
• The LGBT Christian movement here has changed so many hearts and minds.
• I’ve never met a gay Baptist.
